If I could tell you every moment that led to this point I would. But you don’t have that kind of time and I don’t have kind of memory. There have been moments that were so huge in huge ways they are seared in my memory forever. And then there have been moments that have been huge in teeny-tiny, seemingly minuscule, sort of ways. Like today.
Today at a group I am part of the speaker asked us to write 3 things on a post-it-note that we’re burdening us.
I started with the obvious. I am feeling burdened for my sister, her kids and their move. I am excited beyond words to have them coming to live near us and yet I know my sister has so much on her mind and heart…that burdens me.
Second…finances. I mean how many of us can’t write that one?
Then came the kicker. See, this office space for Zone Conditioning, even if temporarily, has fallen in our laps. I mean really, out of the blue clear sky, as only God could have managed. And it’s a gift…a beautiful gift. But as I wrote my burdens on that little yellow post-it note I found my pen writing, “My fear of success.” WHAT!? Did I really just write that? Did I really come this far to fear the thing I’ve wanted. I’ve read about this fear, but I had never experienced it. Or had I?
In a moment, a rush of clarity and emotion told me that I had been fearing it all along. I fear being successful at many things because I fear losing it. Whatever that it is at the time. I fear joy because I fear losing that joy. I fear happiness…real happiness, because eventually it has to go away. Right?
Then the speaker asked me to take the trash can, crumble up my burdens and toss them into the can, which I did. I then had the great honor of taking the can around the room and receiving the burdens of every women in the room into the can I was holding. It was beautiful. It was overwhelming. It was a Kairos moment!
I sat the can back in the center of the room and returned to my seat and fought back tears.
Here’s the thing.
No, happiness does not last forever. Yes, there are going to be circumstances, people, and things that come to steal my joy. And yes, success can be lost. But today. Today, I have them all; happiness, joy, success, and today I have them all to the fullest! Just today! I don’t need to worry about tomorrows joy, that just steals today’s joy. The thief of today’s joy is tomorrows worries.
So I am practicing awareness. I’m practicing presence. I’m practicing to be where I am. Just there…here. No where else. (All of that repetitive crap was for me, not you…have to keep telling myself.) And it’s not something you do with your head only. You have to bring your body. And you have to have awareness in your spirit. That is living fully in today.
Lately I’ve been pondering the words, The Kingdom of Heaven.
I’ve been using this awareness, this presence of mind, body and soul to bring the kingdom of heaven to earth. To me.
Every time I am able to bring awareness and presence to a moment and fully find myself there, I think, I have brought the kingdom of heaven to my day…to my life…today. Living fully.
Here is where I sit today:
“As you go, preach this message: ‘The kingdom of heaven is near.’ Heal the sick, raise the dead, cleanse those who have leprosy, drive out demons. Freely you have received, freely give.”
Friends, the kingdom of heaven is near. It lives and breathes in each of us every moment of every day. The only requirement to find it, to access it, is awareness that it is there and acceptance that it is real with each breath, because there is no fear of success in the kingdom of heaven…there is no fear of tomorrow in the kingdom of heaven…in fact, there is no fear at all.
Find joy today. The kingdom of heaven is waiting for you.
I have to admit that this is one of those posts that I write and then sit and think, “Why the hell are you clicking publish on this one.” The voices in our head…a post for another day.